[She considers the appropriate response for a long time. She can't do something smelly or disgusting, because he won't clean it and then she has to live with it. She sprints through the city and comes home with a broken microwave.
After removing and reworking some components, she hides her new device in Sans' mattress. Any time he puts any weight on it, it will now emit the shrill beeping noise microwaves make when they're done.
[He is never gonna shake the high-pitched, obnoxious eeeeee from his ossicles, good god. He had to crash on the couch instead. Can you believe it? He had to walk all those extra steps all the way to the couch, Alphys.
The horror, honestly.]
alph i cannot believe you
[In recompense, he concocts something truly terrifying:
Toast.
There is toast everywhere, Alphys. There is jammy, buttery toast all over your room. Stuck to the walls. In the cracks of the door. Under the bed. On every available surface.
Spelled out on her floor in slices of imperfectly toasted bread, browned and black and smeared with revolting bits of cold butter, are the words:]
[Sans can hear her yelling when she's found it. She... she has to clean, Sans. Her entire room! With soap and things! It takes like an hour and she dumps all of it outside the door to their apartment because god maybe someone else wants toast SHE DOESN'T KNOW, IT JUST NEEDS TO LEAVE, HOW DID HE EVEN GET ALL THIS BREAD
When she's done, she texts him again.]
i had to CLEAN MY ROOM how DARE U but now im all "fired" up lmao come AT me
[Some part of her brain that's absolutely a 'mad' scientist wants to add fire to his room for the pun, but she doesn't want to kill him, and also, she lives here, so that's off the table. But keeping with the food theme, she manages to find some gelatin and seals his slippers in jell-o. It's even blue! Now you match.]
[Curse this. He had to walk around without slippers for hours, Alphys. For hours! What is this, the Dark Ages?
When he finally extricates his slippers from their gelatinous prison, he has to wash 'em like he's washed no laundry in his life. He's pretty sure they're always gonna be a little blue around the edges now too.
Oh well. At least it matches his jacket.]
that one didn't really "jell" with me
[In retaliation, he gets to her computer when she ain't home. He then proceeds to relocate all of her episodes of Mew Mew Kissy Cutie to a folder labeled TENTACLES. In their place, he meticulously replaces each episode with a file that looks just like an episode of her beloved Mew Mew but is actually something quite different.
[She is all settled in, a cup of cocoa, a blanket, ready to take some comfort in her favorite show.
Instead. It is this. This BETRAYAL that has a certain skeleton written all over it.]
how dare u mess w mew mew this is all out WAR
[Alright. Alright. This started with ketchup, it's escalating to ketchup. She grabs one of his bottles and shakes it all to the top, then quickly flips it, adds a little baking soda, and closes the lid.
[Hilarious, right? Yep. Fantastic. Equally fantastic when he's about to thoroughly douse one of his signature 'dogs in ketchup and ends up with approximately one (1) shattered bottle, and a ten (10) foot radius of ketchup spattered across every available surface in a gooey, tomato-y halation.
He already smells pretty terrible on the regular (the permeating stench of awful hot dog water is an awful thing to bear witness to), but now he just smells like pretty terrible with a side of ketchup.
For his next trick, he's gotta wait until hears her react to it before texting her.]
p.s. duck.
['Cause when she opens her door next, he's rigged a bucket of mustard to come swinging down and thoroughly douse her. Yellow always was her color, right?]
[She shrieks when the bucket hits her, because it douses her and also almost decks her in the face. It is awful. Everything about it is awful. She wears a white lab coat Sans, do you know how hard bleach is to find around here??? JEEZ.]
THAT WAS NOT A DUCK SANS what is it w u and condiments
[She's debating what to hit him with next when she stumbles upon a box of 1000 paper cups, and suddenly she Knows. When Sans enters his room next, every surface in his room is covered in paper cups filled with ketchup- including his bed, so he can't teleport to it. His only option is to eat his way out, which she thinks he'll enjoy until he's about 200 cups in, and then it will be funny.]
[The very worst part is that there's no place to put any of it. He can't just dump the stuff in a bowl and be done with it, no; there's just too gosh-darned much of it arrayed atop every available surface. Even stepping over them isn't an option, 'cause they're all clustered too well close together.
Curse you, brilliant Dr. Alphys. He had to go hunting around for some fries and a couple dozen 'dogs to get through all of it. He gets partially through before giving up and simply clearing off his bed, where he can sleep in the awful stink of ketchup and hot dog water to his nonexistent heart's content.]
you hypocrite. i can't believe you. my "condiments" to the chef.
[What's he got in store next for her? Well, he don't mean to toot his own horn, but that's exactly what he does.
Alphys's desk chair gets an airhorn taped beneath it in exactly the right way so that it utters an obnoxiously loud honk as soon as she sits on it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
text
you know what u started now right
its ON sans
its on
text
alright, alph.
bring it.
text
BRUNG
[She considers the appropriate response for a long time. She can't do something smelly or disgusting, because he won't clean it and then she has to live with it. She sprints through the city and comes home with a broken microwave.
After removing and reworking some components, she hides her new device in Sans' mattress. Any time he puts any weight on it, it will now emit the shrill beeping noise microwaves make when they're done.
Have fun flopping into bed this time, buddy.]
text, an hour later
The horror, honestly.]
alph i cannot believe you
[In recompense, he concocts something truly terrifying:
Toast.
There is toast everywhere, Alphys. There is jammy, buttery toast all over your room. Stuck to the walls. In the cracks of the door. Under the bed. On every available surface.
Spelled out on her floor in slices of imperfectly toasted bread, browned and black and smeared with revolting bits of cold butter, are the words:]
IM YELLING
When she's done, she texts him again.]
i had to CLEAN MY ROOM how DARE U
but now im all "fired" up lmao
come AT me
[Some part of her brain that's absolutely a 'mad' scientist wants to add fire to his room for the pun, but she doesn't want to kill him, and also, she lives here, so that's off the table. But keeping with the food theme, she manages to find some gelatin and seals his slippers in jell-o. It's even blue! Now you match.]
TAKE OFF THE CUFFS
When he finally extricates his slippers from their gelatinous prison, he has to wash 'em like he's washed no laundry in his life. He's pretty sure they're always gonna be a little blue around the edges now too.
Oh well. At least it matches his jacket.]
that one didn't really "jell" with me
[In retaliation, he gets to her computer when she ain't home. He then proceeds to relocate all of her episodes of Mew Mew Kissy Cutie to a folder labeled TENTACLES. In their place, he meticulously replaces each episode with a file that looks just like an episode of her beloved Mew Mew but is actually something quite different.
Enjoy!]
HE'S GOING FOR DISTANCE
Instead. It is this. This BETRAYAL that has a certain skeleton written all over it.]
how dare u mess w mew mew
this is all out WAR
[Alright. Alright. This started with ketchup, it's escalating to ketchup. She grabs one of his bottles and shakes it all to the top, then quickly flips it, adds a little baking soda, and closes the lid.
Have fun with your ketchup cannon, Sans.]
THIS IS KANGAROO COURT
[Hilarious, right? Yep. Fantastic. Equally fantastic when he's about to thoroughly douse one of his signature 'dogs in ketchup and ends up with approximately one (1) shattered bottle, and a ten (10) foot radius of ketchup spattered across every available surface in a gooey, tomato-y halation.
He already smells pretty terrible on the regular (the permeating stench of awful hot dog water is an awful thing to bear witness to), but now he just smells like pretty terrible with a side of ketchup.
For his next trick, he's gotta wait until hears her react to it before texting her.]
p.s.
duck.
['Cause when she opens her door next, he's rigged a bucket of mustard to come swinging down and thoroughly douse her. Yellow always was her color, right?]
THE KETCHUPOCALYPSE
THAT WAS NOT A DUCK SANS
what is it w u and condiments
[She's debating what to hit him with next when she stumbles upon a box of 1000 paper cups, and suddenly she Knows. When Sans enters his room next, every surface in his room is covered in paper cups filled with ketchup- including his bed, so he can't teleport to it. His only option is to eat his way out, which she thinks he'll enjoy until he's about 200 cups in, and then it will be funny.]
the great ketchup war of 2k16
Curse you, brilliant Dr. Alphys. He had to go hunting around for some fries and a couple dozen 'dogs to get through all of it. He gets partially through before giving up and simply clearing off his bed, where he can sleep in the awful stink of ketchup and hot dog water to his nonexistent heart's content.]
you hypocrite.
i can't believe you.
my "condiments" to the chef.
[What's he got in store next for her? Well, he don't mean to toot his own horn, but that's exactly what he does.
Alphys's desk chair gets an airhorn taped beneath it in exactly the right way so that it utters an obnoxiously loud honk as soon as she sits on it.
Guess he is someone toot his own horn after all!]